Remember that amusement park ride where you went around in circles, slowly at first and then progressively faster and faster, switching directions halfway through, daringly lifting your arms off the lap bar while riding over arches just steep enough to cause your stomach to flipflop, all set to music as the ride operator-turned-DJ spun the hottest tracks of the summer? Maybe you slammed your knee into the car on a turn. Or lost your newly purchased “(insert random beach city here)BP” hat as the ride whipped you around backwards. Or maybe you just lost your lunch. It didn’t matter. You ignored the laundry list of warnings plastered all over the fencing while you not-so-patiently waited your turn. And if you were vertically challenged like me, you mastered how to inconspicuously tiptoe right by the “You must be this tall” sign. No matter where you were on the boardwalk, carnival or fair, you could hear the music from that ride blaring and you just had to go check it out. And if you weren’t fortunate (or brave) enough to ride it, you still stood and watched for a while, tapping your foot or shaking your tush to the beat.
Now imagine handing over your tickets and taking your seat as the DJ starts spinning a mashup of Kenny Loggins’ “Danger Zone,” Rihanna/Eminem’s “Monster” and Katy Perry’s “Dark Horse” with a little Psycho shower scene sound effect thrown in? Can you envision it? Maybe you’re amused. Or a little frightened. Or just plain nauseous. Either way, you now have a pretty good idea of what it’s like to be inside my brain most days.
So grab your hat (or your Dramamine) because you just got a free ride – I kinda know the operator. Post a question in the comments to this entry and once I have a fair amount, I’ll do a new post with the answers. And since there’s always that one dummy who causes the ride to be halted mid-song, please remain seated and keep your hands in the car at all times, Or just don’t be an asshole.