Auld Lang Syne

Every Christmas season before this one, getting a tree home and standing was a task I thought needed assistance, be it from an (ex) husband, my dad or a male friend. And, often begrudgingly, I asked for that help. But not this year. This year my girls and I went alone, picked out the perfect tree on our first try, and got it home and standing all by ourselves. So what’s the big deal about bringing home a tree by yourself, Kat? I mean, it’s a friggin tree. I’ve certainly done far more challenging things without anyone’s assistance so I know it may seem insignificant. But to me, it’s far more significant.

This time of year, we’re bombarded with endless commercials – someone gleefully receiving the latest toy, gadget or car tied with a big red bow; fairytale proposals and the sparkliest of diamonds to go with them; kids opening presents on Christmas morning with both parents looking on blissfully in their matching pjs.  And it is the one time of year that I truly struggle with the lack of these things in my life. While I had previously accepted all of this as just part of my life’s journey, this year I’m actually embracing it. I finally realize that Christmas isn’t any less, well, Christmasy merely because I won’t be untying big red bows, or don’t have romantic love in my life, or won’t get to watch my girls open presents Christmas morning. I’ve dreaded the holidays for quite a few years now. But this night, sipping some Cabernet while watching Love Actually with that tree in my peripheral, I’m finally letting it all go. No longer will I yearn for that extra set of hands to help carry the tree, or the big box tied with the red bow, or the sparkly promise of happily ever after.

I am enough. Always have been, always will be.




13 thoughts on “Auld Lang Syne

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  1. You know what’s really awesome? Typing up a nice really supportive heartfelt sincere message to your post on my phone, but then it didn’t know my password since I rely on my laptop to remember it. So I was able to reset the password, but then my message was lost. Merry Christmas.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Merry Christmas. It’s so nice of you to share the real meaning of the holidays. How we feel towards others, but more importantly, how we feel about ourselves. The best gift anyone can receive is acceptance of knowing you are happy for living your life the way you want to. Cheers!

    Liked by 1 person

  3. That certainly speaks to me as I have dreaded the holidays for 3 years now. Good for you that you’re embracing things as they are this season. For me, it’s still a work in progress. Keep up the great writing and Merry Christmas.


  4. Very nice piece, Kat. Wish I was at that place. This year though, I’m at the worst I’ve ever been. My “Fuck Christmas” mode is full throttle this time around. Glad you made it through and got your tree up!

    Liked by 1 person

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