A Little Genghis Khan (Part 2): Quasi-Empirical Evidence that, well, Boys are Dumb

When we last left our (mad) social scientist (A little Genghis Kahn: my love/hate relationship with the Alpha Male (Part 1), she had just given Rooster what she thought were his walking papers from the Operation Alpha test group. Thanks to some very poor taking a hint skills, we rejoin our favorite heroine (hey, I write this – I can say whatever the fuck I want) mid-text conversation with Rooster about why she isn’t interested in meeting him anymore.

R: Sorry to hear that. Simply thought I could just talk to you, chat and keep you company as a matter of speaking on the commute home

R: And for the record the first dial was an accident

(goofy, tongue-sticking-out emoji)

R: And for what it’s worth, sometimes things on texts don’t come across as well or as if they were actually spoken whether in person or over the phone

R: I mean yes, I was looking forward to seeing you, completely intrigued that you live basically one door down from where I used to, are passionate as I am about Music, Theater, your experiences with your daughters, Etc

R: But again I’m not sure how this translates on text,

R: So, I am honestly sorry that if my enthusiasm to either speak to you on the phone, let alone meet you in person somehow pushed you away

R: Clearly, not my intent

R: Well Kat….. I hope you reconsider and Grant a motion to appeal that verdict. (smiley face emoji)

R: In the meantime, warm wishes for a wonderful Thanksgiving for you and your daughters

R: I Would certainly send a bottle or 2 of Cab over to (my street name) as a peace offering/Olive branch… but that could just be taken as creepy… lol..

I had no idea where to go with this and loathed the idea of wasting my time formulating a response. But I knew I had to say something or his incessant messaging might never end.

K: It was not the enthusiasm. It was the whole conversation. I specifically said “we can raincheck” and you said “if” I want to raincheck. I ignored the calling on the phone questions because I was already uncomfortable with it all and you called anyway. And after I said in light of all of this, I wasn’t interested in meeting you, you continued to send more messages trying to explain yourself or change my mind. I’m sorry but this whole thing has made me uneasy and that’s that. 

R: Okay, Murphy’s Law. I swear I am unable to view the rest of your message after “I said in light of this”

So I send a screenshot of the whole text…

R: Okay… it is what it is . Of course I wanted to explain myself because I think there was some miscommunication for sure

R: And I wouldn’t want a verdict to be made on misinformation information

But as I continue to be a little tongue and cheek, in my putrid attempt to be cute , like I said it is what it is

R: But thank you for sending me the rest of your message, as I really couldn’t read it… and quite honestly doing voice to text while driving to you about if you want to rain check or rain check or raindrops are falling on my head whatever oh, was no way shape or form to question that

If backpedaling were an Olympic sport, he’d be taking home Gold in 2020.

R: Anyway, perception is reality. Like i said.. Yes i did intentionally call once to see how you were feeling, perhaps talk about the lotus and anchor instead of texting… not sure what else there is to say Am Sorry you’re uneasy now … wish I had a magic wand or knew the right words to mitigate the anxiety

R: like i said … it is what it is…

So he’s done, right? Like, he said his peace and he’ll disappear for good? Negative, friends.  Negative.

R:

R: Have to admit thats probably one of the best cock pics you ever got (wink emoji)

Two days later:

R:

https://m.youtube.com/watchyourenotanalphaevenalittlebit

HAPPY Thanksgiving Kat.

Just thought id send a video from last night.. w family friends.. provide better Insight to me ..in light of opinions manufactured from a text/chat

So I click the link (because I’m a dedicated scientist after all) and it’s a video from the night before of his deceased father being honored for something. It makes perfect sense, clearly, because standing on a dais with a bunch of other people I don’t know anymore than I know him while the audience celebrates his father’s important work is proof positive that he’s not a serial killer. Or a whiny little prick who can’t speak without “manufacturing” passive aggressive digs at me.  Thanks, Rooster. Let’s grab that drink now…

Two weeks later:

R: Happy (three camel emojis) Day. …  not that I’m a golfer, but any chance for mulligan 🙂 in any event, hope you’ve been well and hope this little note finds you enjoying the morning

A month goes by…

R: MERRY Christmas (Christmas tree emoji)

Another week:

R: Happy New Year ms (my street name again).. woulda been my neighbor (wink emoji)

Fearing that I had probably blocked him by now, he tried a different angle, and messaged me on Tinder a week or so later with the same generic messages.

At least another month later:

R: Tgif stranger… from my old address…  I won’t text you again if I don’t hear back from you, but thought it couldn’t hurt just to reach out and say hello and see if there was any way to get a mulligan to meet for a drink (wink emoji)

That was February 23 and true to his word, I have not heard from Rooster since then. There were a few times when I thought he might have been driving around my house since we were ALMOST neighbors and all (if he had a time machine of course); but that was, thankfully, just me being super paranoid.

While it is beyond evident that my social experiment was an utter failure, I’ve already committed to seeing it to its conclusion. You’re welcome.

Step 5 – Draw Conclusions

I started this alcohol-and-anger-motivated little experiment about 2 weeks before Thanksgiving in an effort to try and make some sense of my seemingly senseless dating life (with the added bonus of taking some much deserved jabs at the GOAT in the process).  It’s now been 7.5 months and I’m sure it will come as no surprise that I’m still totally and utterly clueless  (and definitely itching to grab my gloves and land a nice uppercut).

But this is what I do know.

1. My updated profile has not weeded out the non-Alphas; it has, however, attracted even more “situationship” candidates.  I have debated going back to face-only profile pictures because the body shots have definitely caught the attention of more than a few pretending to want more than a piece of ass.  But I’m not planning to change the age-bracket just yet – we can blame that damn 50-something crush for my stubbornness on that one.
2. Online dating remains a very poor option for finding a guy capable of satisfying yours truly because 95% of the guys are not who they claim to be, or do not admit they are not looking for anything beyond someplace to park their dick for a while, or both.
3. In person dating remains a very poor option for finding a guy capable of satisfying yours truly. because…See #2.
4. I should not quit my day job to become a scientist.
5. Real dolls are fucking expensive.
6. Boys are really dumb.
7. I’m diligently working on my right hook.